Playing tonight (well, most of it anyway)
Lenny Kravitz - Stand by my woman
Sting - Shape of my heart
Fastball - Out of my head
Lenny Kravitz - Heaven help
The Corrs - All the love in the world
Bruce Springsteen - Secret garden
Eric Clapton - Change the world
James Taylor - Don't let me be lonely tonight
Matchbox 20 - When you're gone
Eraserheads - Tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka
Chris Gains - Lost in you
Vanessa Williams - Constantly
Passage - You won't see me crying
Julia Fordham - Love moves in mysterious ways
Dave Matthews Band - Where are you going
Indigo Girls - Galileo
Sarah Mclachlan - Good enough
James Taylor - If I keep my heart out of sight
Nina - Foolish heart
Julia Fordham - I thought it was you
True Faith - Kung ok lang sa'yo
...and some others.
On my mind
My projects (Planning my approach)
My future (Anxiety anxiety anxiety... planning)
My friends (lots of heartbreaks)
My family (I miss them)
The party last night (boy was I WASTED!)
My smoking (Baaaaad...)
What to eat (I'm beginning to get hungry)
The suit in Galleria (I want it!)
The pair of shoes in Galleria (I want them!)
The shirts I saw in Galleria (I want them as well!)
My girlfriend (I don't have one but I miss having one)
My present inability to commit (Career career career)
Texting Pam (I miss her but...)
Texting Meg (Well... what would I say about this morning?)
Texting Del (I'd love to but I'm too tired to play Generals)
Texting Janina (I would but she just lost her phone last night)
Texting Ms. Madeline (Office hours are over)
Texting Mr. Alvarez (He's in Singapore)
If I was overheard giving advice for a domestic problem
If another project's coming in soon
The 160 GB External Hard Drive in Galleria
That Mac G5 I saw in the magazine
The speaker system in Galleria
The head unit I saw in Galleria
The repairs I need for the car and how much they'll cost
The money I need for the next weeks
That Miata on sale
That two-door Pajero on sale
That VW hatchbach I saw on EDSA
That digital SLR I saw in New Manila
That PC we need
This and how much I admire their sweetness and devotion
Beer and Tequila
My week
My life
My career
Puerto Galera
Bohol
Italy
Italy's cuisine
Spending a month in the Bahamas
Spending another month in Hawaii
Wishing I had the money right now
How to earn that money
A promise I'm about to break
...and some others.
Damn.
I need a smoke.
And maybe a beer.
Adjustment is always the hardest part.
I've never been this busy with working, thinking, talking, and driving.
I love it.
I just get tired easier and faster. I can attribute this to my lack of exercise so I need to find some form of exercise and fast. Hah! As if I'll find the time to actually do it!
*******
Going out used to be just something normal. It used to be something just to pass time by and explore new places.
Now I get excited at the prospect of going out, even if it is a week away. And it doesn't even matter who I'm with now (well, not exactly, I'm exaggerating) or where (here too.)
Right now I'm on a break. An hour-and-a-half break.
*******
I told myself that a month was enough. And that anything beyond that was unacceptable. But I don't think it's possible anytime soon yet.
At least it isn't a pack-a-day anymore.
I'm not even sure what I get out of it. Yeah, there's the occassional cold, stinky fingers and bad breath. Not to mention the cost nowadays (it's around 25-35.)
I know it's bad for me...
Hey blog,
guess what. Today I ate my pride. Actually, it was shoved down my throat. I can't tell you exactly what happened but what I can say is that it hurt. I've always been that way about myself; full of pride. And because of that I've often had difficulties of sorts, in almost every aspect of my life. This time it was with my professional life. And I hated it. I hate the bad taste it left in my mouth still. And I hate myself for it because I only have myself to blame. And to top it all off, I'm alone. Alone to face these feelings of disgust, regret, and disappointment. Right now all I have is you. And I'm thankful you didn't move away or became busy all of a sudden. Now don't get me wrong, my professional life is doing good. Today was only a glitch. I guess what really got me was that I didn't have anyone to tell me that tomorrow was going to be another day. That tomorrow was going to be another opportunity to grow. And that I didn't have anyone to be sad with. Or anyone who would put an arm around me or hug me. I know that tomorrow I'll be ok, but today just hurt. It's kind of funny too because my pride got me there, and it's also what's keeping me there. I could've just called or sent a message but I didn't. For some reason I keep thinking that I can handle it all by myself, that everything will be fine as long as I keep my bearing. Always. Or maybe for as long as I could remember. Every time I hurt or get hurt I'd get some of it out, but would always keep some of it bottled in. As if I were saving it for a rainy day. I know, it's a bad habit. These moods are best kept away. But today got me when I was vulnerable. My friends? Well, they're either tucked in bed dreaming away or talking with their sweethearts. Which adds to what I'm feeling... well, it was nice doing this again, but now I have some stuff to get in order. I can't say it didn't help, but I'm pretty much feeling the same way I did when I left the house this afternoon... so thanks again. For just being there.
later,
Drama queen for the day
Dear blog,
it's been a while since I was last here, and I feel guilty for having abandoned you. It reminds me of those times when I suddenly vanished on my friends without as much as simple 'bye' or 'see you in a while.' I know that it's rude, and I don't know why I keep doing it. Maybe because something came up, like during these past weeks... or months? Maybe. And I did miss you. Just like I miss my friends. The difference here is that we've been reunited while me and my friends haven't. I've been pretty busy lately. Work has been good, my clients are good too. They are easy to talk to and get along with. So working with them has pretty much been a pleasureable experience. I've been going out a bit too, meeting new people and seeing new things. Learning too. It's a good thing you're loyal to me without ever feeling bad about me popping in and out of your sight just like that. If you were a person you'd probably be having second thoughts about speaking to me. We'd probably have difficulty catching up... what would I say? What would I possibly have to say that you would care for since I've been out of your reach for so long now? I don't know. But I do know that it's up to me to make it up to you. After all, it was me who vanished all of a sudden. I would never have consciously taken you for granted... but I did. But I'm thankful you're still there. Thankful that you continually put up with me and my erratic behaviour, along with all my quirks and flaws. Now don't think that I haven't been thinking about you during my absence, I have. I have often wondered how you've been, how you're feeling. And please don't think that you're not a part of me, sometimes it just seems like that... oh, and thanks for still welcoming me back. I was afraid you weren't going to be here when I came back but you were. Thanks.
I don't know if it's going to happen again. Maybe, maybe not. But I want you to know that I'd never consider you lesser even if I were gone long. I still cherish your company and enjoy it very much. So forgive me for being who I am. Forgive me for being neglectful of you.
looking forward to next time,
Karl
