Hey blog,
guess what. Today I ate my pride. Actually, it was shoved down my throat. I can't tell you exactly what happened but what I can say is that it hurt. I've always been that way about myself; full of pride. And because of that I've often had difficulties of sorts, in almost every aspect of my life. This time it was with my professional life. And I hated it. I hate the bad taste it left in my mouth still. And I hate myself for it because I only have myself to blame. And to top it all off, I'm alone. Alone to face these feelings of disgust, regret, and disappointment. Right now all I have is you. And I'm thankful you didn't move away or became busy all of a sudden. Now don't get me wrong, my professional life is doing good. Today was only a glitch. I guess what really got me was that I didn't have anyone to tell me that tomorrow was going to be another day. That tomorrow was going to be another opportunity to grow. And that I didn't have anyone to be sad with. Or anyone who would put an arm around me or hug me. I know that tomorrow I'll be ok, but today just hurt. It's kind of funny too because my pride got me there, and it's also what's keeping me there. I could've just called or sent a message but I didn't. For some reason I keep thinking that I can handle it all by myself, that everything will be fine as long as I keep my bearing. Always. Or maybe for as long as I could remember. Every time I hurt or get hurt I'd get some of it out, but would always keep some of it bottled in. As if I were saving it for a rainy day. I know, it's a bad habit. These moods are best kept away. But today got me when I was vulnerable. My friends? Well, they're either tucked in bed dreaming away or talking with their sweethearts. Which adds to what I'm feeling... well, it was nice doing this again, but now I have some stuff to get in order. I can't say it didn't help, but I'm pretty much feeling the same way I did when I left the house this afternoon... so thanks again. For just being there.
later,
Drama queen for the day
posted by Karl @ 11:48 PM
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